Advice to the Men: The Treatment of the Women
Advice to the Men: The Treatment of the Women
By Shaykh Fawzee al Atharee
Translated by Abu Muhammad Al- Maghribee
And He said that this is the correct meaning and understanding of the Qiwaamah that Allah subhana wa ta'alaa has placed with the man.
Allah subhana wa ta'ala said in the Quran: "Men are the maintainers over the women"
With that Allah made them superior over women. And the meaning of this ayaat the Shaykh hafidthuallah said , Imam at Tabari said that it means that they are the ones who must take care of the issues and fulfill the rights and needs of their wives. This does not just include material things. Rather all the rights that Allah subhana wa ta'alaa has placed on the men towards their wives. For example to admonish them if they slip up. But this should be done with kindness and gentleness. With wisdom and not with harshness. And also if they do something that is wrong or if they make a mistake they should correct them and show them the right way. Because what their wives do, the men are responsible.
So it is important that the men obey the command of Allah subhana wa ta'alaa and it is also incumbent upon the women to understand this Qiwaamah that the men have over them, because it is a comman of Allah. It is a legislation from Allah subhana wa ta'alaa therefore they shouldn't have any problems with that and they should submit totally, completely, and willingly to the command of Allah subhanahu wa ta'alaa.
He hafidthuallah said that this Qiwaamah is fulfilled with two categories.
1. That Allah favored the men with their bodies. He gave them strength.
2. That Allah made it incumbent on the man to spend on the women.
It is these two reasons that the men have Qiwaamah because first they have a stronger body than the women and second they have to spend on the women.
From this you will know clearly the mistake of many women that they are the ones who want to spend on the men. They want to reverse the ayaat of Allah. They want to reverse what He subhana wa ta'laa has legislated. And by them thinking that they can spend on men, they don't know that they are actually fighting over the Qiwaamah. They are fighting the men and trying to take a right that Allah subhana wa ta'alaa has given him.
So therefore Imam at Tabari raheimuhullahu made clearly this issue ya ikhwaan from this it is not befitting for anyone to use this Qiwaamah and this strength to misuse or act badly towards his wife. Whether by beating her up or by insulting her. Or by puinishing her not according to the legislation of the deen of Al-Islaam. He said such people and such husbands, if they don't make Tawbah to Allah subhana wa ta'alaa and they die on that, they die in a bad state wa 'authoobila. Why? Because they are opposing the command of Allah subhana wa ta'alaa. Allah is the one who commands the husbands to be kind and dutiful to the women. And then what does this man do? He goes against the command of Allah subhana wa ta'alaa . So this person no doubt will be punished as Allah subhana wa ta'alaa punished many men who were not kind and showed no kindness or no mercy to their wives.
So the Sheykh said Fear Allah , and all of you should be kind and nice to your wives when you talk to them. And part of the Qiwaamah is to teach them. And lead them, take them by the hand. To put her on the straight path. To put them on that which Allah subhana wa ta'alaa commanded us with and His messenger sallallahu alayhe was salaam. And the Qiwaamah is not just the strength, its giving the commands and spending on her and the children. Not letting them starve. Feed them, give them drink, buy their clothing. Provide for them a place to stay, a comfortable place with love.
The misunderstanding of many men is that they don't spend on their wives. Not only this but they say to them go get a job. If you want for your kids this and that then you better get a job so you can support yourself and the children. Authoobila. We seek refuge with Allah from such statements and such behavior. Such a person is not submitting to the command of Allah subhana wa ta'alaa. And he is not fulfilling the rights that Allah has put upon him and he doesn't know and understand the correct meaning of Qiwaamah that Allah has placed with him over that woman.
So no doubt that person is a sinner and this is the beginning of marital problems between the spouses. And this man who doesn't use the Qiwaamah according to what Allah subhana wa ta'alaa has legislated he is number one in the destruction of the household. He is number one in the destruction of his family. And he is accountable for the destruction of his marriage. Because he is not being kind to his wife and with kindness to the wives, the household will be nice and love will spread and that marriage will inshaAllah continue with happiness and Allah subhana wa ta'alaa will put blessings in it.
So therefore we have a clear understanding of this Qiwaamah that Allah subhana wa ta'alaa has placed with the men. And we have to understand that this is a very important issue that the Qiwaamah consists of the man spending on his wife and family. By providing a place to stay, providing food and drink, providing clothing for his wife and children. And it is from the Qiwaamah that it is obligatory upon men to go and seek the livelihood and to have a job that is good and halaal. He said no doubt with this he will earn her love and her heart and she will deal with him with kindness
and with mercy. He said no doubt from here ya ikhwaan you will see the misconception and mistake of the women as was mentioned before.
Because those working women, no doubt within their households, they have a certain way of dealing with their husbands. They may be arrogant, they don't listen to them. On the other hand the woman that does not work and remains in the home taking care of the children, you will find her more obedient to her husband than the woman who spends all day and all night working in a place that is an arena of men.
And therefore he said this is the problem of an-nushooz. This means that the women goes against their husbands, they don't know kindness. And they are disobedient. From here it is clearly showing that if the man, the husband, wants her to spend on him, or chooses only a woman who has a job and that can spend on him...or even says don't support me, just support yourself and the children, he said the woman who does this is taking away the rights Allah has given the men. And we find these women who go to work and spend on their husbands they become proud, and arrogant and boastful towards them. And hence the problems start.
Many people ask Why do we have so many problems? Why is there no tranquility in the house? Where are these problems coming from? Of course the reason is obvious. Because we don't follow the teachings of the deen of Al-Islaam in our households and we don't follow that which Allah subhana wa ta'alaa commanded us with and we choose that which we want to follow. That's why we have so many divorces. That's why the rate of Khula and divorce is so high as it is well known to all of you. You will find that when the man fulfills these obligations, the wife is more obedient.
But the woman who spends upon herself, she says to herself... "Im in no need of this man, I can pay my own rent, I can buy my own clothing, In fact he lives with me" , and therefore she pays no attention to him and therefore an-nushooz. This is one of the main problems of marital discord between the spouses. An-Nushooz linguistically means something that is high, standing high. A woman that is Nashiz is a woman who speaks high or she tries to put herself at a level that Allah subhana wa ta a'alaa didn't put her in with regards to dealing with her husband. When she speaks she is boastful and arrogant and she forgets about the rights that Allah has put upon her or over her towards her husband.
Allahu Mustahan
By Shaykh Fawzee al Atharee
Translated by Abu Muhammad Al- Maghribee
And He said that this is the correct meaning and understanding of the Qiwaamah that Allah subhana wa ta'alaa has placed with the man.
Allah subhana wa ta'ala said in the Quran: "Men are the maintainers over the women"
With that Allah made them superior over women. And the meaning of this ayaat the Shaykh hafidthuallah said , Imam at Tabari said that it means that they are the ones who must take care of the issues and fulfill the rights and needs of their wives. This does not just include material things. Rather all the rights that Allah subhana wa ta'alaa has placed on the men towards their wives. For example to admonish them if they slip up. But this should be done with kindness and gentleness. With wisdom and not with harshness. And also if they do something that is wrong or if they make a mistake they should correct them and show them the right way. Because what their wives do, the men are responsible.
So it is important that the men obey the command of Allah subhana wa ta'alaa and it is also incumbent upon the women to understand this Qiwaamah that the men have over them, because it is a comman of Allah. It is a legislation from Allah subhana wa ta'alaa therefore they shouldn't have any problems with that and they should submit totally, completely, and willingly to the command of Allah subhanahu wa ta'alaa.
He hafidthuallah said that this Qiwaamah is fulfilled with two categories.
1. That Allah favored the men with their bodies. He gave them strength.
2. That Allah made it incumbent on the man to spend on the women.
It is these two reasons that the men have Qiwaamah because first they have a stronger body than the women and second they have to spend on the women.
From this you will know clearly the mistake of many women that they are the ones who want to spend on the men. They want to reverse the ayaat of Allah. They want to reverse what He subhana wa ta'laa has legislated. And by them thinking that they can spend on men, they don't know that they are actually fighting over the Qiwaamah. They are fighting the men and trying to take a right that Allah subhana wa ta'alaa has given him.
So therefore Imam at Tabari raheimuhullahu made clearly this issue ya ikhwaan from this it is not befitting for anyone to use this Qiwaamah and this strength to misuse or act badly towards his wife. Whether by beating her up or by insulting her. Or by puinishing her not according to the legislation of the deen of Al-Islaam. He said such people and such husbands, if they don't make Tawbah to Allah subhana wa ta'alaa and they die on that, they die in a bad state wa 'authoobila. Why? Because they are opposing the command of Allah subhana wa ta'alaa. Allah is the one who commands the husbands to be kind and dutiful to the women. And then what does this man do? He goes against the command of Allah subhana wa ta'alaa . So this person no doubt will be punished as Allah subhana wa ta'alaa punished many men who were not kind and showed no kindness or no mercy to their wives.
So the Sheykh said Fear Allah , and all of you should be kind and nice to your wives when you talk to them. And part of the Qiwaamah is to teach them. And lead them, take them by the hand. To put her on the straight path. To put them on that which Allah subhana wa ta'alaa commanded us with and His messenger sallallahu alayhe was salaam. And the Qiwaamah is not just the strength, its giving the commands and spending on her and the children. Not letting them starve. Feed them, give them drink, buy their clothing. Provide for them a place to stay, a comfortable place with love.
The misunderstanding of many men is that they don't spend on their wives. Not only this but they say to them go get a job. If you want for your kids this and that then you better get a job so you can support yourself and the children. Authoobila. We seek refuge with Allah from such statements and such behavior. Such a person is not submitting to the command of Allah subhana wa ta'alaa. And he is not fulfilling the rights that Allah has put upon him and he doesn't know and understand the correct meaning of Qiwaamah that Allah has placed with him over that woman.
So no doubt that person is a sinner and this is the beginning of marital problems between the spouses. And this man who doesn't use the Qiwaamah according to what Allah subhana wa ta'alaa has legislated he is number one in the destruction of the household. He is number one in the destruction of his family. And he is accountable for the destruction of his marriage. Because he is not being kind to his wife and with kindness to the wives, the household will be nice and love will spread and that marriage will inshaAllah continue with happiness and Allah subhana wa ta'alaa will put blessings in it.
So therefore we have a clear understanding of this Qiwaamah that Allah subhana wa ta'alaa has placed with the men. And we have to understand that this is a very important issue that the Qiwaamah consists of the man spending on his wife and family. By providing a place to stay, providing food and drink, providing clothing for his wife and children. And it is from the Qiwaamah that it is obligatory upon men to go and seek the livelihood and to have a job that is good and halaal. He said no doubt with this he will earn her love and her heart and she will deal with him with kindness
and with mercy. He said no doubt from here ya ikhwaan you will see the misconception and mistake of the women as was mentioned before.
Because those working women, no doubt within their households, they have a certain way of dealing with their husbands. They may be arrogant, they don't listen to them. On the other hand the woman that does not work and remains in the home taking care of the children, you will find her more obedient to her husband than the woman who spends all day and all night working in a place that is an arena of men.
And therefore he said this is the problem of an-nushooz. This means that the women goes against their husbands, they don't know kindness. And they are disobedient. From here it is clearly showing that if the man, the husband, wants her to spend on him, or chooses only a woman who has a job and that can spend on him...or even says don't support me, just support yourself and the children, he said the woman who does this is taking away the rights Allah has given the men. And we find these women who go to work and spend on their husbands they become proud, and arrogant and boastful towards them. And hence the problems start.
Many people ask Why do we have so many problems? Why is there no tranquility in the house? Where are these problems coming from? Of course the reason is obvious. Because we don't follow the teachings of the deen of Al-Islaam in our households and we don't follow that which Allah subhana wa ta'alaa commanded us with and we choose that which we want to follow. That's why we have so many divorces. That's why the rate of Khula and divorce is so high as it is well known to all of you. You will find that when the man fulfills these obligations, the wife is more obedient.
But the woman who spends upon herself, she says to herself... "Im in no need of this man, I can pay my own rent, I can buy my own clothing, In fact he lives with me" , and therefore she pays no attention to him and therefore an-nushooz. This is one of the main problems of marital discord between the spouses. An-Nushooz linguistically means something that is high, standing high. A woman that is Nashiz is a woman who speaks high or she tries to put herself at a level that Allah subhana wa ta a'alaa didn't put her in with regards to dealing with her husband. When she speaks she is boastful and arrogant and she forgets about the rights that Allah has put upon her or over her towards her husband.
Allahu Mustahan
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